Miscommunication…….

…Since then, he never chat wiv me in msn, not even saying hello! When I greeted him online, he ignored me totally…now he’s back, and he sms me 2 inform me he’s back! What the £$*&&*….. I sms by replying, I won’t even care bout him! I tell u I give up on this person aledi…--- ash said as though she really mean it, while swallowing a glass of water.

So, again, I always do what I hv to do, of which many ppl hated…
> hey… r u sure? U r just angry, rite?
--- no! I’m not! It is just I felt its enuf!
> izzit? Perhaps, u r just angry on yrself! U hated the kinda of feeling…
--- u know what?! I was hurt when he ignored!
> that’s rite! So, u decided 2 protect yrself by letting go. Then, just when u think yr life is calm and peaceful, his sms aft returning from overseas ruin everything, rite?
---…………….
> its like, what the hell!! How come a simple sms cud ruin a peaceful life? Rite? U r just angry on yrself, not quite on him, izzit?
---……………..
> ask yrself one thing, r u satisfied with the situation rite now?
--- not that I cud do anything…
> yes, u cud. Do something 2 find out OR just let it be and live yr life.

And the rest was history. How ash is gonna do it, I won’t know until I meet her the next time, which I think wud b next year most probably. The point is, why on earth I understand that sort of feeling?? Cos even I, faced the similar situation.

We were frens, and I think we still r. yet, just when i think i left my past real real far, even just for while, a simple msg from home ruined that sort of calmness that i hv tried hard 2 maintain in life. out of sudden, a msg that says something as normal as I miss u, from a fren that i think i treated him as a fren, created a havoc in my life. A havoc that i allowed it 2 happen, indeed.

Later, when I returned home, I decided 2 keep in touch and let him know that I’m back. Sigh… it turns out that he’s no longer available. And it seems that its all my fault. The whole world thinks I’m not coming back home, and that I’m gonna live overseas. So does him.

Upon realising this, 2 b honest, I felt the miscommunication might b due to what I hv done wrong, or worst still, the world’s imagination/ expectation on me. It just reminded me of the same incident back in the time when I became classmates of ash. It was the first day of my lower secondary in a malay school….

--- hey! Y r u here?
> what do u mean by that? this is 1st day, register like u loh!
--- but everybody says u will b studying in a Chinese secondary school, I heard u r going 2 chung hwa!
> oh, izzit? y on earth I’m not told about that?

The rest was history again. The fun part was, my parents and my family never has the intention 2 send me 2 a Chinese secondary school. And I seriously have never tot about it. What went wrong? y the world thinks the other way round?

And, y the hell even he tot about the same thing? Sigh… perhaps, it is a sign 2 let go liao. It is perhaps time 2 concentrate on other commitments and pursue what I wanna do in life. Sometimes, u just can’t get hold of anything. Even if it’s a person that seems far, when he’s indeed next 2 u.

I think I know what is my new year resolution
> I hope this sort of miscommunication will decrease slowly, if possible. And I hope, ppl will spend more time on the expectation they put on their own, rather than putting it on other ppl.