The Memory Keeper’s Daughter

My thoughts after reading this book:

1. Personality, perception and fear towards certain things are shaped in an early age, especially during the youth stage. Once these are formed, they would influence the later stage of our life. Bear in mind, events/things/people that appeared earlier might emerge later, signifying that its time to face the issue, not running away.

2. No matter how we love and care for those people that mattered to us most, we have no rights to take away their opportunity to decide if they want to face loss, grief, cruelty, death, or, even the truth! Trust that they have the ability to overcome, survive and move on after confronting crises. At times, protecting is not a long term option. They are not as weak as we have imagined, and the problem might not be as bad.

3. If you want to have a long term relationship, or spend the rest of your life with another person, it is essential to know more. Everybody has a past, ignoring or leaving it behind does not mean it does not exist or happen, instead it would create a wall within you and the world, and the people around you.

However, I wonder and would like to question a few things...

Besides due to his professionalism that led to David’s decision to put his daughter in an institution, I still can’t believe how on earth a father would make that hell of a decision. Is it because men are not given the ability to conceive children, therefore they would never understand that kind of intimacy and dearness of their own flesh and blood? Or is it because it’s the past haunting him, he saw his daughter as his sister who have returned to bring grief to the family, and he sees himself as a small boy who still live in the past, who does not realise that he is a doctor now and he has the ability to help his daughter? After all, that’s why he became a doctor, isn’t it? To help his sister, and save himself.

David’s motivation to keep the secret even after he found out that Phoebe is well, is it due to the fact that he feared his family will shun and leave him once they found out who he really was: he’s a coward that chose to give his daughter away rather than helping; Phoebe’s Down syndrome is due to his genes, and his past will uncover, having a shameful sister and living in poverty. He does not realise that they are not the problem, it’s not their fault to become who they are, it’s the society that should be blame for making such cruel remarks!

No matter how much David loved June or Phoebe, he is ashamed of them. He choose to give Phoebe away and felt his sister’s disease is dragging his future no matter how much he achieved, being the best student or a doctor!

Although Caroline has raised Phoebe by fighting for her, still, she’s selfish! She envied Norah, being loved by David. She envied what she has, a husband, a son and a perfect family--So, since your husband does not want her, and I suppose you would not -- She’s justifying her own act. That’s why she chose to tell Norah in the end, or else, she would not forgive herself. Cos she knows she has done wrong for not telling her in the first place!

Sigh…. Love is powerful! It can be a motivation for us to move on, yet it can used as weapon in the form of reason/excuse to hurt others. And we never know it is the right choice to shield those closest to us from the truth or protect them. Cos in the first place, do they actually need our protection?